Let The Right One In MOVIE STYLE!

Ok, I watched the movie again... and I recall now several differences:

There is no mention of Hakan (Eli's guardian) coming back as a vampire, let alone a mindless one who attempts to rape Eli.

Oskar's friend Tommy is left out entirely (which is understandable, especially if you leave out the fact that Hakan isn't around).


The third of the book is greatly condensed, which isn't a bad thing necessarily. They really cover a lot of ground. And honestly, the neatest thing that I wish they could've concluded is that when the vampires become, you know, vampires, their hearts change cell structure. It's as if a tumor grows and takes over the heart. And this tumor is made of BRAIN CELLS. That's right. It's literally a struggle between the dying and abused brain of the person you were before with this new, second brain in your chest, hungry for only blood and survival.

So, ok, I feel good that I didn't leave too much out.

Bless Your Heart, Tramp by Celia Rivenbark.

This is not my first foray into the tart, Southern-fried world of Celia Rivenbark. The first time I ever read her was for her book Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old Like A Skank. And I've never looked back.

Like so many other humor books that get published lately, it's a collection of essays/blogs/articles written by Celia who was formerly a writer for... the NY Times? One of their little family? I'm gonna fact check for a second. Then write my findings here. Instead of just typing out the accurate information and not boring you with this filler. Ok, it was the Morning Star. See! Told you!

But yeah, it's her first book. It's hilarious Southernisms, talking about becoming a mommy at forty, the delightful stereotyping of Southerners on TV, the time her husband tried to make her go for a week without television, and many, many helpful essays on topics from marriage to how to properly measure Southern-style in the kitchen and beyond.


The titles of her books are as follows. If they alone don't convince you she's worth a read, well, then I can't help you. Really. Bless your heart.


Bless Your Heart, Tramp And Other Southern Endearments
We're Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions from a Tarnished Southern Belle
Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old Like A Skank: A Slightly Tarnished Southern Belle's Words of Wisdom
Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny With A Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits
You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning

'Nuff said.



Celia talkin' about Celia.

Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

Fat Charlie Nancy isn't fat. All the stories are Anansi's. Don't talk to spiders, unless it's something you really mean.
Oh, and Neil Gaiman's still incredible.


These are the lessons I take away every single time I read this novel. It's probably my favorite of Gaiman's books--including any of the Sandman series. I know, I know, American Gods is incredible, but this is my favorite. And hey, it's in the same storyline anyway. So, shush, naysayers.

The story is about the two sons of Mr. Nancy, Fat Charlie and Spider. Before his father died, you see, Charles Nancy, nicknamed "Fat Charlie" by his father, didn't know he had a brother. And after he finds out, well, he can't wait to believe he's an only again. And that the world is as logical and boring as he'd led himself to believe, and that magic doesn't really exist.

Turns out Mr. Nancy is really the modern incarnation of Anansi, the West African spider god, the trickster. And he's not lost  a bit of his trickster ways though he's become a somewhat modern man. Fat Charlie was subjected through a variety of embarrassments at the hand of his father as a child. Like the time Mr. Nancy told him that for President's Day, all the kids picked their favorite president and dressed up as them for school that day... so Fat Charlie showed up all decked out in his presidential finery. And he was the only one. Then there was his father's habit of taking him "mermaid watching." There weren't any mermaids. Mr. Nancy was also fond of performing what he referred to as the "miracle of the loaves and fishes."


"He loafs and he fishes and it's a miracle that he makes a living."

But the most embarrassing moment was his manner of death. During a particularly fine round of karaoke, singing directly at a group of sunburned tourists, Mr. Nancy had a heart attack, fell gracefully from the stage and managed to pull the top completely off the blondest tourist.

After Mr. Nancy's death, Fat Charlie is told he's got a brother by his neighbor Callyanne Higgler, (who's in fact responsible for the fact that Fat Charlie and Spider were separated to begin with). And all he has to do to meet him is pass a whisper to a spider. But when Spider shows up, he takes over Fat Charlie's life. He steals his fiancee. He impersonates him at his job and blackmails his boss (who's legitimately up to no good). He even turns the tiny spare bedroom of Fat Charlie's apartment into a window into an alternate space with a hot tub, giant TV and tropical scenery. To get rid of him, Charlie ends up making a deal he never should've made with one the god's from his father's world, who is in league withe his father's oldest enemy. In exchange for her word and a feather, he ends up offering her Anansi's bloodline if she makes his brother go away. Turns out though, Anansi's bloodline includes him. So he has to step up and find out how much he really is his father's son to save the day.



As usual I said a lot without saying much at all. What it wraps up to is this: I love Gaiman's odd humor. I like how overtly British everything is.  I also like that it's one of the first non-Southern books I can remember reading where it's made pretty clear that none of the main characters are white. That's something I missed the first few times I read it, honestly. I don't know HOW, but I did. And I love all the stories about Anansi. I love the way he always ends up getting his, in the end. I love how matter of factly the stories are told. I love the descriptions of Tiger, so dark and bloodthirsty. I also like the casual references to American Gods throughout the narrative. And frankly, any book that has people having to flee in the face of hundreds of homicidal flamingos and then later homicidal penguins is pretty worthwhile right there.

Gaiman always seems to deal with unusual family situations, where it becomes abundantly clear that loving your family in spite of what you may view as their faults is infinitely better than losing them to something that wants to kill and/or eat them... or kill and/or eat you, depending on which you're reading. I like that. I like that his characters are often outsiders who can find a place to belong. And who hasn't felt that hope in their heart when they can't help but think there's no where in the whole wide world where they fit in?

Bite Me: A Love Story by Christopher Moore.

Now this may be a faux pas, but I am going to do another reaction to a vampire book... but let me tell you, this is so different from Let The Right One In it's not even funny. Actually... it's very funny. In a sort of you had to be there way.
I can never get enough of Christopher Moore. This man is a flippin' genius. Although I do not think this is his best book (that honor either goes to Lamb, A Dirty Job or Blood Sucking Fiends: A Love Story).
This is the third part of his series about vampires set in San Francisco.

When the series began, it was the story of C. Thomas Flood, an aspiring writer from middle America. He moves to San Francisco to realise his dream of being a writer.  He meets a woman named Jody late one night outside of his job at a local Safeway, where he manages the night stocking crew known as The Animals. A local homeless man known as The Emperor (who is the Emperor of San Francisco and Protector of Mexico, based on the real life Emperor Norton) plays the part of guide, observer and knight errant. So after he meets Jody and befriends the Emperor, Tommy thinks he's got a pretty sweet deal going on. What he doesn't realise is that Jody is a vampire... and his life will never be the same.

In the first two books, they defeat the vampire that turned Jody with the help of two SF police officers, the Emperor, his dogs Bummer and Lazarus and all the Animals, except Simon. They take all the money and art on the ship and go to Vegas where they hook up with a high price call girl named Blue... because her skin is dyed blue. Jody and the original vampire agree to leave the city, but Tommy can't stand that idea so he has them bronzed instead. When he drills holes in the bronze so Jody can listen to him talking to her, she turns to mist and streams out of her bronze shell. She then turns him into a vampire. Hilarity ensues as they find a minion in the form of Abby Normal, goth girl and whiner extraordinaire. (She's also the best friend of Lily, one of the main characters from the book A Dirty Job) and her gay best friend. Part of the trouble of now having two vampires to feed is solved by first feeding off of a homeless man named William. William is famous for his sign, which reads I Am Homeless and Have A Huge Cat. The cat, Chet, is where things get interesting.

Because by the end of the novel, when things seem to be going right finally, they begin feeding off Chet. They shave him to have better access and then return him to William. And that's when Chet, the Vampire Cat descends on William and things just go to a whole new level of ridiculous.

And that's also where the third novel starts.

I am not a huge fan of Abby Normal and she is the narrator for You Suck and Bite Me. And in this story, they have to stop the enormous army of vampire cats, birds and vermin that Chet has unleashed on the city. Not to mention all the disappearing homeless people...

I'm not going to wrap up the whole plot and though it might seem like I gave everything away for the previous two, believe me, I didn't. I love Christopher Moore's ability to incorporate characters from other books, like Abby and Lily being best friends and Rivera/Cavuto's past experiences on the force. I also especially appreciate the part where Jody goes into Asher's Second Hand and speaks to Charlie Asher, the main character of A Dirty Job.

But this isn't one of my favorite Moore books. I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong. I liked the idea of the animal vampires being more instinctual and better at  discovering their vampire powers. I liked the mist of mice. I liked the process of finding a vampiric cure. I even kinda liked Chet morphing into more than just a cat... even more than just an enormous vampire cat. I even liked the idea of this coven of vampires from the old world to clean up the mess made by the original vampire, Ben. They roared into town guns (fangs?) a-blazin' to fix the issue only to find... no need. There are indeed a lot of cute parts to this novel, but overall, it just isn't one of the best, in my opinion.

So although I recommend reading it, I don't recommend starting with it. Pick up the first and second and read it to round out the series. Besides, who starts a series at the end? Crazy people. That's who.

Let the Right One In by John Adjvide Lindqvist

I'm going to try to keep most of the really big shocks under wraps. I'm going to have to reread this to make sure I'm separating the book and movie because it's been a minute and the plot's getting muddled.
After seeing this movie a couple years ago, I was floored. The sound quality, the subtlety and the acting made this movie really stand out to me. It was a little twisted, too; naturally I had to read the book as soon as possible.
If you strip away the vampire part, this book is a love story between 12 year old Oskar and his new neighbor, named Eli who he sees as a very strange girl to whom he's mysteriously drawn. Eli is Oskar's friend and confidante, the one he takes his problems to after being victimized by school bullies for years.
But you can't strip the vampire away. Eli isn't a normal little girl. This is obvious from the moment Oskar first encounters her on the playground. He comments on her smell, noticing that honestly, she smells like she hasn't bathed in years. Because she hasn't and she's been out of  practice being around normal people for so long, she's forgotten to clean herself. He sees her leap down from the top of the jungle gym, seemingly floating to the ground, he hands her a Rubik's cube that she returns completely solved the next day. And she begins talking to him by informing Oskar that they can't be friends, not ever.
While Oskar is trying to figure it out, he wonders if it's her very protective grandfather. Turns out, he isn't her grandfather. He's a pedophile who goes out and drains people's blood for Eli's sake in exchange for money. It's made clear, however, that he'd be perfectly willing to go without payment if he could only be intimate with Eli.
Oskar, meanwhile, has finally found a friend and an escape. He asks Eli to be his girlfriend. She doesn't say no, but her exact response isn't what it appears to be on the surface. She simply tells him, "I'm not a girl."
In spite of Eli's early warnings, they become very close. Eli becomes a protector and kind of mentor as well as a companion. She helps him fight back against the bullies who torment him. She is nearly discovered because she murdered one man, Jocke, by snapping his neck after draining him and a woman, Virginia, she's attracted the suspicion of a local man named Lacke who was friend to Jock and sometimes boyfriend to Virginia. Her guardian/pedophile is discovered while killing and willingly offers his blood for Eli. He falls from a hospital window, only to break open on the ground below. This doesn't stop him from becoming a vampire, however. Even undead, he still seeks out Eli. Virginia, in fact, also becomes a vampire and willingly commits suicide by exposing herself to sunlight while she's in the hospital.
The novel ends with Eli rescuing Oskar from the older brother of his main nemesis and Eli and Oskar leaving the city together, to meet what fate they may.

A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

I'm embarrassed to say this is my first time reading this book.
This is embarrassing because I can vividly remember having at least a couple discussions with friends or customers about this title, recommending it heavily and even debating plot points. Honestly, I have no idea where I got any of what I was saying. Because the minute I started reading it, I realized, oh…. Yeah…. This is entirely new to me. (I had a similar experience with The Secret Garden and another book that I can't yet remember the name of. I'll keep you all updated, since I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat after my few months absence.)
But anyway, back to the book.
I absolutely adore this book. It's perfect for me. I have a very odd sense of humor and I adore picaresque novels, in which the hero of the novel isn't really a hero at all. In fact he's often a rogue or a loner or otherwise morally reprehensible or ambiguous. I may not be giving the most precise definition of picaresque, but it's close enough for government work. It's Spanish in origins, I believe and is more often than not satirical in nature. As a book snob and former English Major, I really should have a better handle on this, but you get the idea.
Anyway. The main character is just that. An anti-hero. And let me just say, I absolutely HATE Ignatius J. Reilly.
The descriptions of his room, his masturbatorial fantasies (that was a little difficult to read, I'll be honest), his habits, the way he speaks to his mother; he's disgusting. Honestly, the only thing I liked was his hat. I must admit that's a mighty fine hat. I do love his utter failure/mastery of his job as a clerk, his solution for the seemingly undignified position of hot dog vendor. Although I know at least a couple people who have been unable to complete the book because of their feelings towards Ignatius, I found his absolutely irredeemable nature to be the reason I became so fond of him in the end. Anyone that self involved, you almost have to root for him. He reminded me of the main character in Miniver Cheevy (a poem linked here), only much less passive in his contempt for the world.
I felt a deep affection for all these flawed characters. Myrna Mirkoff and her ridiculous reading of sexuality into every single act (though she's probably got a bit of a point). Irene Reilly, Ignatius' long-suffering mother, finally finding freedom and love with Mr. Robichaux (here's hoping there's no "communiss" around).
Lana Lee, who I absolutely adore and whose dual role as Madame and pornographer make so many delightful parts of the story possible, including Darlene's ambition to become an "exotic" in the Night of Joy club and parodying Scarlett O'Hara. And you can't forget Burma Jones... I adore him. Honestly, this book is rich with enjoyable moments and characters.
My absolute favorite part of the book, though, is the pornographic photo involving his copy of the Boethius, The Consolations of Philosophy. That has stuck with me stronger than almost any other image in the book. It was so brilliant, it really was.
In conclusion. I'm glad that this didn't end up being a re-read. Reading this book reminded me why I read at all, all the ideas and the hilarity and absurdity. It came at a time when I really needed it and I am so glad that I got to experience it for the first time.